I was discussing the topic of forgiveness with a friend recently when the idea of “getting even” came up. We thought the “eye for an eye” doctrine (Leviticus 24:19- 21) seemed to support the concept. Upon further investigation, I discovered that in judicial circles, this is known as lex talionis, the law of retaliation. While the purpose of the statute was to establish the principle that the punishment should fit the crime, it also placed limits on the extent of the retribution. For example, if a person’s actions caused someone to go blind, he was liable to forfeit his own sight but he could not be put to death for his crime.

Unfortunately lex talionis isn’t very helpful in situations where the injuries are non-material, such as emotional hurts. If someone gossips about you, is justice served when you gossip about them? If someone calls you a [fill in your favorite derogatory phrase here], do you feel judicially satisfied when you call her the same? What if there’s another term more appropriate to her wicked character? I mean, if she called you fatso, it’s hardly appropriate (or effective) for you to respond with the same word if she’s at the optimum weight for her height!

The problem is that just and fair compensation for the injured party is never just or fair in the eyes of the perpetrator. So the question remains: what is the right thing to do when we are injured in a nonphysical way?

One possible response would be no response at all. Proverbs 17:14 says, “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” That’s what your mother meant when she told you, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” In many situations that is good advice, but it may not always be the best advice. (And please understand, I mean no disrespect for your mother in saying that. I sure don’t want to get a argument started with her!) Stopping the quarrel may prevent further damage to the relationship but it does not fix “the breach in the dam.” The repair is achieved by applying a law that supersedes lex talionis; the law of Christ.

The law of Christ does not seek fair and equitable retribution; to the contrary, it is terribly unfair and painfully inequitable! Jesus said, “But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles . . . Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:39-44).

Jesus herein describes the signs of true forgiveness, a forgiveness that seeks at any cost the prospect of a loving relationship. It is that unfair and inequitable kind of forgiveness that made our salvation possible, that God demonstrated His love toward us in that while we were yet sinners (His very enemies), Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). And now He calls us to forgive one another, even as He in Christ forgave us (Ephesians 4:32). Is “getting even” an option? Scripture and experience tell us that “getting even” isn’t even possible! Not saying anything “when we have nothing nice to say” doesn’t go far enough. Forgiveness, as unnatural as it may seem, is the only way to find peace in our relationships on both the vertical and horizontal planes.

Blessings!

Pastor Dave